Which beginning shall we start with? How about the beginning of being Mommy for that is when things began to get REALLY interesting. Before that there were just personal insecurities (which there are still plenty of) and some hilarious albeit now irrelevant work anecdotes.
Maddy was the most planned of the 3 critters though the month we got pregnant with her was the month we quit "trying" since we were having huge issues getting closed on our home. We figured we should probably have a home before having a baby. One week after finally moving in, a magical stick told us to expect a baby! Pure joy. We found out at 10 weeks that we were carrying TWINS! There were so many emotions...excitement, panic, overwhelm and plenty of others I cannot name. Two weeks later we saw two fetuses but they were different sizes and only one had a heartbeat. We had just accepted and made peace with two but now there was only one. The question? Would we be able to meet that one or would we lose it as well? Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I was terrified I wouldn't get to meet this life I was trying to grow and protect.
I worked full time in retail until two weeks before my due date. I had two false labors. Thanks, Braxton Hicks contractions! Then 12 days before she was due, my water broke. It was hilarious. I was laying in bed having a contraction which made me need to pee, started to sit up to go and...GUSH! I slapped my hubby and told him my water broke. He asked if I was sure so I grabbed his hand and put it on the soaked bed so he could decide for himself. I got up and laughed all the way to the bathroom to relieve myself because I felt like I was peeing all over our room and the bathroom. I called my mom and laughed all the way through that conversation as well. We headed to the hospital, stopped at McD's to get a little breakfast that I was too excited to eat and made it to the hospital. When we got out of the vehicle, my hubby stopped to throw up, haha! And we got checked in for the great waiting game. 15 hours after our arrival at the hospital we were told it was about time to push. Maddy finally arrived and I was a mom.
It's funny...I was so comfortable around every baby I had ever been around, but I was terrified of my own child. She cried A LOT. My mom seemed to be the only person who could make her stop. There were so many sleepless nights. Before she was two months old, she slept in my bed because it cut down on the crying. I got to go back to work and Hubby was left to work from home and deal with the baby. He lasted about 9 months. He wasn't enjoying his job and really wasn't enjoying doing his job AND being Mr. Mom so he had let his work slide to the point of feeling like he was about to get fired so he needed to quit. I was hacked off to say the least. He and his boss decided he would finish the month so he could wrap some things up with them and work on finding another job. He decided working for Aflac might be just the ticket...he is NOT a salesman. He studied, paid $75 to take the test and failed. He was already finished with his other job so now the question was whether to pay $75 to take the test again and possibly fail again or find another job opportunity so we could quit trying to live on a single income. He decided to go back to doing what he had done before the work at home job and be a lake bum (he actually has a job ON the lake).
This is the point where I had to start handing my daughter over for someone else to take care of her while Hubby and I worked. It was so much more difficult than I imagined it would be. A couple of months into this, I got pregnant again (RIGHT after losing all my weight and being smaller than I had been since the summer I got married). This one was a little bit of a surprise but I wasn't taking the pill and was only calendar watching to try and avoid the "opportune" time of the month. We were excited. I was so excited that I gained 55 pounds. My logic was that I had lost it once so I could do it again. At least I had finally gotten Maddy into her own bed in her own room at 14 months old. I said I would NEVER do that again. This child was going to sleep in their own bed, PERIOD.
At 21 weeks, we found out we were expecting another girl! I got a few matching outfits but didn't do a lot of shopping beyond that since this baby was due 2 days after Maddy's original due date. I was just hoping they would be close to the same size and we would be fine. Then, the week of Christmas, we got a 3D ultrasound. In the middle of it, the tech put her hand on my arm and said she had some news for me and my family. I think I quit breathing and she must have felt it. She said, "Still one baby (I began breathing again), but it's a boy!" Wait, what?! Sure enough. There was NO denying it. Okay, time to return my cute matching outfits and start shopping for a boy. Boys weren't fun to shop for! There were no hair bows!
My little man arrived 2 weeks after Maddy turned 2 and life sped up some more. At least D-man didn't cry as much as Maddy but he still didn't like going to bed. I was back to work and exhausted all the time so what happened? He ended up where I said he NEVER would be - in bed with Hubby and I! Again I went back to work but we had it worked out so either Hubby, myself or my parents had the kids. We couldn't afford daycare and I really didn't want strangers watching my kids. We were able to keep it up till D-man was about 6 months old. At that point, my best friend started watching the kids when we needed it. She has 3 kids of her own plus a stepchild so that didn't work for too long since she already had her hands FULL. I found a lady through someone who had been recommended to me but was full. I met her and liked her so I started taking the kids to her. One day her 4 year old asks me why my baby cries all the time. Excuse me? I had the happiest little man on the planet! He only cried if he was hungry. What kind of place was this if my perpetually happy baby cried all the time? The lady asked me if he was held all the time at home. Well, about as much as anyone would or should hold a 7-8 month old. Apparently she had better things to do than take care of my child like I wanted. Enter my fabulous sister-in-laws. They took turns all winter watching the kids for me. I did a little better with D-man getting him into his own bed in his own room. He was only a year old when it happened for him. He was growing up so fast! Both my sister-in-laws had to get back to work in the spring so I found an amazing lady I had known for about 7 years to watch the kiddos.
One day on our way to her house, I had to pull over and get sick. Um...what just happened? All I had done that morning was take my multi-vitamin and drank some juice with it. Wait...the only time taking my vitamin in the morning has ever bugged me is when I was pregnant. But that's not possible - I'm on the pill and practically abstinent! Okay, don't panic, just get the kids to daycare. Maddy asks me upon getting back into the car if my tummy has a "froblem". I said yes and she says maybe it wants a baby. Excuse me? Do you know something I don't? I dropped the kids off and went to Target to get a test. I bought the test and two pairs of shoes. I had a feeling I'd need some shoes to make it through the results of this test. I dropped the shoes off in my car and went into TJMaxx. First stop, bathroom. I took my test and stared at it waiting for the results I already knew. Sure enough - two lines. First thought? Crap. HORROR! I did not just think that about creating a life...GUILT.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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