So I was pregnant again. Now what? More shopping! I got another pair of shoes, a dress and a couple bath towels for the kids. Next stop? Another shopping center! Payless Shoes, here I come! Two more pairs of shoes and I was definitely feeling better. I'm not sure why 5 pairs of shoes made me feel like I would be able to handle having 3 children better, but it did. At least we had just gotten our tax return, so I didn't put us in the poor house buying out half the town's shoes. Hubby had called me between TJMaxx and Payless and asked how my day was going...hmmmm. I said medium; after all, it was a good day. It just wasn't going how I had planned! He asked why only medium and I asked if he was sitting down. He asked why and I told him to sit. I told him apparently baby number three was on the way. Silence....then, what is that? LAUGHTER!!! I said, "At least one of us is laughing!" I was still in overwhelm mode...how were we going to pay for child care for three? How was I going to be able to leave 3 kids with a sitter? I had a hard enough time just leaving two! And the old personal insecurities...I hadn't lost my weight after D-man and now I was going to gain again!
I found my peace with it the next day by putting it all into perspective: God only gives you what you can handle and not more than that. I knew He might be pushing me to my limits but I would be able to handle it nonetheless. I thought of all the people we know who have had trouble conceiving or weren't able to conceive at all. We were so fortunate to be so fertile! Plus, this explained why I hadn't been able to get rid of the "pudge" that had shown back up in my mid-section. I had been trying for two months to get rid of it - working out and dieting. I was thinking I was about 6 weeks pregnant because I had missed a week of pills in February. I didn't say anything to anyone except our closest friends and family of course. I made an ultrasound appointment for a couple weeks later to find out "just how many babies were in there" since I had quite the tummy already.
I met my grandma at the ultrasound place, I paid and we entered the room to count babies as I was sure there was more than one for me to be showing so much. The tech began the ultrasound and, what was that? A HUGE kid! She said I was definitely more than 9 weeks and I agreed. I asked if I was more like 14 because that could have been possible as well by my calculations if my pill hadn't been working. She said no, more like 18. Holy cow! I was nearly halfway through a pregnancy? How was that possible for so many reasons? Apparently my pill didn't work. And apparently I had mistaken the early movements for indigestion. Thinking back, I now realized small things here and there that I had written off for a number of different reasons were actually pregnancy-related! Good grief! The next shot we got of the baby didn't even give me the opportunity to decide if I wanted a surprise or not - it was definitely a girl! At least I got my other girl that I thought I was getting with D-man.
Hubby and I decided it was time to tell the world since we were nearly at the halfway mark. The financial piece was still a little overwhelming but we knew we would figure it out. After all, it wasn't like we had a choice! About a month later, my boss walked into my store unannounced. Since becoming a mom I had worked for four different companies and had worked my way up to being a retail store manager. I thought it was my dream yet I hated it with a passion. My boss and I walked around the store, made some small talk, then went to the office. I was totally unprepared for what was about to happen. Basically, since the store wasn't performing, I needed to hand over my keys and sign a resignation form or she would put me on a 30-day action plan at then end of which I WOULD be fired I was informed. Excuse me? Was it my fault it was early spring and our business hadn't yet kicked in? Was it my fault the economy wasn't improving? Well, we had a new regional manager who was all about accountability and he was pressuring her and our store was the worst performing. Are you kidding me? So I was an example. Fabulous! Did I mention I had two kids and was preggo with number 3? Thanks a frickin lot, lady! So I handed over my keys and signed the form while bawling my eyes out. I didn't want to be somewhere I so obviously wasn't wanted and I knew I wouldn't be able to pull myself together for the next 30 days anyway. I gathered my stuff and left. At least now I got the weekend off with my family.
The next week I spent sulking. I had never been "fired" (I know I technically resigned, but in my mind I got fired so deal with my verbiage!), I had never even failed a class in school (other than when I quit going to a couple of my college classes and didn't drop them.). Then reality hit. I didn't have a source of income and I was 5 months pregnant. There was no hiding it in order to get a job. I know as well as anyone there is a law against discriminating but if a woman who was 5 months pregnant with my experience and salary requirements applied against a not pregnant person with less experience and less salary requirements, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I wasn't getting a job that would pay me a decent enough wage to offset daycare for two. Now what? I started watching a couple kids from home. Not fabulous money but it was something and we saved a ton on gas money and eating out.
Not having a job meant I actually got to be an active member of my family and life again! This was a new feeling. I could actually go to church more than my one Sunday off each month! I could spend time with my parents and see Hubby more than just in passing! I got to go to my brother's college graduation and not get phone calls from work the entire time like when I went for my nephew's birth. I got to go spend a weekend 8 hours away visiting my sis, bro-in-law and nephew-man! I got to go back and see my brother when he moved. I was getting some decent family time!
Fast forward a couple of months to near Lilly's due date. I had sent myself into false labor 3 weeks and a day before I was due by cleaning out half of my garage. Apparently not my best idea but I wanted it done! Eight days before I was due, I went on a 3 mile walk pushing the double stroller and sent myself into early labor. The contractions got regular and decently strong, but weren't progressing. I went to the hospital and got sent home. Castor oil, here I come! I was ready to not be pregnant anymore! Gag, gag, gag...NASTY!!! No baby. I desperately plead with my doctor the following day to tell me the end was coming and not make me go a week overdue. My nerves were shot, I felt angry all the time and it was 100 degrees outside! He said if I made it to my due date, we could come in the morning after to be induced. Best news I had heard in a long time.
I spent that last week doing some final cleaning but mostly relaxing since I knew it would be probably YEARS before I would get to relax again with 3 kids running around. My due date came and went with no baby. Tuesday morning we set out to the hospital. We arrived at 8am and got all checked in. The nurse checked me and I had made a little progress (I'll leave that part vague). She went to call the doctor to make sure his course of action for induction. Half an hour later, our nurse wasn't back and I had started having contractions! Another 45 minutes passed and our nurse finally returned - the lady in the other delivery room had given birth. Okay, decent excuse, you're forgiven. I let her know I had been having contractions for the last 45 minutes so we got to skip the first step in the induction process and go straight onto pitocin! I labored away until I was supremely uncomfortable. Okay, can I get my epidural now? Doc showed up, I was nearing a 7 so I got my epidural. Ahhhhhh, relief. I could do this all day now. An hour later-ish....okay, now I'm really hurting again! Bolis please! Doc came back, pushed my bolis and I was at a 9! About 15 minutes later I was ready. Get everyone in here! It's go time! I pushed 3 times. Whoa! How big is that kid and are we sure I'm only a day overdue?! 8lbs., 12oz.. Ho-ly cow!
Some time after she was born the bomb dropped. Our baby had a problem. She didn't have an anal opening, or as I like to say, no bum hole. How was that possible? There was meconium when my water broke! It was coming out a different opening that it shouldn't be able to! Okay, what now? Maddy's pediatrician was Lilly's first consult and she came in to give me the lowdown. Lilly was going to fly in an airplane in the next couple of hours to St. Louis Children's Hospital where she would be seen by specialists to get her taken care of. They would release me too and I might be able to fly with her, but I might have to drive and meet her. Okay, time to process. I had to worry about my perfectly imperfect newborn and still be mommy to the other two? Yikes. Hubby went home and got the 4 of us packed. My parents went home and packed and mom-in-law already had stuff in her car. Okay.
The air team showed up and got Lilly all packed up and ready for her first flight at about 7 hours old. I was released from the hospital about 6 hours after giving birth and hung around until Lilly left. Mom-in-law took Maddy in her car, my parents took D-man with them and Hubby and I rode alone in our car. Caravan to STL. That was the longest drive of my life. Plenty of time to try to process what had just happened and start freaking out about it.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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